I feel like deleting this whole newsletter...
I won't...but it's getting weird
I love sharing and connecting with people who understand the feelings I write about here, but I’ve been experiencing an uptick of men being very weird and unsettling towards me because of what I’m sharing.
Some men who are interested in me romantically or are attracted to me are using my content to try and get closer to me…without telling me they follow me. I’ve written about this in the past….
Over a year ago, before I started this newsletter, I was documenting my depression on social media. It was a way to keep track of my moods, see my progress, and connect with others. It also signaled to predatory people that I was vulnerable, and they swarmed me like vultures.
I’d met a man at an event who asked for my contact information. I obliged because he seemed nice, but I didn’t know he was already following me on social media. What proceeded was the most awkward brunch I’d ever attended, and I’ve attended a LOT of awkward brunches 😆. He poked and prodded, asking me questions about my life that I didn’t want to answer. He felt entitled to my vulnerabilities, which is crazy because I already share a lot! And he even suggested that all I needed was a relationship with him to feel better. The more I refused to engage, the more aggressive he became. And although he tried to hold it in, I spotted the abusive energy and got TF out of there. This doesn’t just happen while dating. It’s also VERY prevalent in new people seeking platonic friendships as well.
I considered deleting this whole newsletter, but the connections I’ve made here with sincere people have been priceless. So, I’m trying to figure out what to do. Maybe I’ll just generally share less and keep my posts more vague 😭. That’s unfortunate for me, because some of my favorite Substack newsletters are women being open books! Bad at Keeping Secrets is one, as well as Shit You Should Care About. I wonder if either of these women face the same boundary-crossing behavior I have or if there’s something about me…that’s different from them…that inspires this bold lack of respect. I wonder what it could be…
Anywho, I honestly planned to share updates on my quest for friendship in a new city, and share what worked and what hasn’t…but I’ll wait for those who have weird intentions to see themselves out before I do :(
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Yikes! I’m so sorry people have been doing that! I wish I had some advice or words of wisdom but internet stranger creepiness knows no bounds or limits.
I don’t think that you’re providing too much detail. It’s vague enough they just saw you being open as an opportunity to be creeps which isn’t at all on you. I would absolutely caution against giving your number out though. You can get an unreal amount of information through your cell phone number. Plus they can straight up harass you until you change it. Get a google voice number and text through that (what’s app shows your number iirc).
I hope these incidents stop happening and until then be well and be safe
Omggg Girl I’m so happy you shared this! I do very intimate writing on the platform as well and I always hesitate to share my blog with certain ppl for this very reason. Don’t let rotten ppl spoil your light! You’re here sharing as you do for a reason. Just use these experiences as a learning one and an opportunity to come back after an attempted emotion setback, love you & your work❤️