Weird b*tches to the front.

A February recap.

If you haven’t noticed, I’m what some might call a weird b*tch. Only women can call me that, though. If you’re a man, it’s Miss Weirdo to you. Thank you.

Anywho, I know I’m strange. Look at what I do here. You think a normal woman would overshare to an almost alarming degree every week on the internet? I think not. Normal women keep their alarming thoughts to themselves and in the confines of their group chats.

Strange and unsettling women bare their souls and their teeth.

Remember when I said I had a crush and I might confess just to shake the table? Well, they’re probably subscribed to this newsletter. Actually, I know they are because I checked before writing this. 😆 While I won’t be sharing who it is, I’ve decided to still write about the feeling because this is a newsletter about feelings, and fluttering butterflies are part of that, I think.

I’m very much a girl.

I love pink. I like girly things like dolls and cute journals. I like staying up late on the phone, twirling an imaginary phone cord, and giggling with my friends. I like painting my toes and flipping the hairs on my wig. It’s just…fun. And crushes are part of the fun.

But while I sit, cheeks blushing with excitement and intrigue, I also know there’s another side to me. One that’s draped in darkness. One that’s slumped over my desk, squinting over my glasses like Coraline’s dad, heavy sighing as I think about my life’s meaning.

I feel too much.

It’s either too much or too little with me. And the prospect of going beyond those first fun flirtations scares me. So, I don’t think beyond them anymore. These days, I just enjoy the experience and wait for the inevitable end. When I’m too sad. When I’m too quiet. When I’m too awkward to be taken seriously. Sometimes, when I laugh too much. Sometimes, it’s nothing at all, and we drift peacefully. But still.

But if I truly want to do weird sh*t, I have to let go of that mindset. I can focus on the present without wearing nihilistic, defeatist glasses. I can approach people with curiosity and explore the depths of another person’s mind without fearing what they’ll find in mine. I can appreciate moments of time without replaying the bad memories or fast-forwarding to the end.

Anywho, this is a long, convoluted way of saying my crush is reciprocated. I already knew it was, but sometimes it’s fun to act like you don’t. Girl things, hehehe.

A woman-owned bookstore wants my books!

I spent the weekend crying, as I do, thinking about how overwhelmed I am. But!! I got a lovely DM from a super cute bookstore that wants to stock my books! What an incredible end to the weekend. I’m just stoked and excited to be seen. And I’m ready for more people to get eyes on my books.

I Live to Serve the Witch is getting great reviews! And all ordered books have been packed and sent out. If you ordered How to Escape Death, I’ve been sending address update reminders and will be doing so until March 14th! Please look out for that, as those will be the next books out the door.

Just a reminder, these are the last signed copies I’m ever sending out. After this, physical copies won’t be managed by me anymore.

I’m almost at 50k Instagram followers!

Do numbers matter? No. But it’s been insane watching that number shoot up from 15k to almost 50k in a matter of weeks. So, if you see me posting more, it’s honestly because of capitalism 😭 and needing to inform the new people in my sphere that I do, indeed, author books, haha. And those books are short and dark, despite appearances lol.

After this month, I hope to escape the MACHINE™, stop grinding, and return to the woods to keep frolicking (and continue healing). Thank you everyone who has been helping me with this! Every share, every post, every like, comment, and encouraging email has been making my heart sing. Thank you thank you a million times over.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Read my surreal novel: How to Be a Better Adult

Read my dark, cozy cottage romance: I Live to Serve the Witch

Read my nerdy self-help book!: The Magical Girl’s Guide to Life

Follow me on Instagram!: @Jacqueaye