I've been completely unsettling and wildly strange.
An early January recap.
I know what you’re thinking. “Whoa, Jacque…another post??” And whoa indeed. I don’t know what’s come over me. Actually, yes I do. My New Year’s resolution was to be chaotic, free, and wild, and I’d like to recap all the strange things I’ve been up to.
I had a crush for like, a week.
Okay…it’s actually still there, lying dormant until I feel like waking it. But as I considered being my reckless, tactless self and opening a can of wayward worms, I remembered the wise words of our Pan-African prince, Dr. Umar Johnson…
I have books to release. And once they’re released, I can frolic through the woods. But in order to properly frolic through the woods, I need money. But I can’t make money without an impeccable launch. And I can’t launch impeccably if I’m meddling in romance, so…we must stay focused.
Or maybe I’ll break and confess for the excitement. Just to shake the table. We’ll see!
I’ve been writing poetry.
It just kept popping up. My friend Mugabi recently released an amazing chapbook, and I was inspired. Plus, all the grants I’ve come across want full poetry collections to be considered. And we’ll be reading poetry in my book club next month. So before I knew it, I’d written 22 poems, made a cover, and curated a playlist.
The poems detail how I feel about love and loss and capitalism. I’d intended for it to be a “pay what you want” situation, but I guess my website doesn’t have that capability. So, I just priced it at $2 to keep it accessible for whoever wants it.
Here’s a snippet from the first poem:
The Girl is a Ghost.
In the darkness, you sit.
Legs crossed. Folded within yourself.
Heavy bags hang from your eyes like curtains.
The glow from your screen illuminates your face,
lighting fires in your eyes,
casting shadows between you and I.
And who am I?
The ghost of the girl you once were.
Now, before you read these, please remember this—I have never written poetry in my life. Just approach them all as snippets of raw emotion rather than an exercise of skill…since I’m only a baby poet.
I tried being “mysterious” for a few days and gave up.
I’m an online chatterbox. It’s what I do best. So I gave up trying to be mysterious and leaned more into who I am—an oversharer. And it’s been working in my favor. After admitting that I felt like I was standing outside of a club I couldn’t get into (as a girly comic book writer), I was interviewed for a website! I’ll share it when it’s posted.
I also exposed my awkwardness and gained hundreds of followers across all my platforms. And I asked for what I wanted, and I got it. I’ve not been using my “marketing brain” at all, really. Just purely having fun and being weirdly honest online.
It pays to be your authentic self. I keep forgetting that.
I started a ‘zine?
I guess this space is a zine now. And I’m obsessed. I love scrolling through the homepage, admiring the personal essays from contributors. I adore everyone who has submitted a piece. I can’t wait to publish them all!
My goal in this space is to normalize emotional expression. I hate that we don’t feel comfortable sharing things that literally happen to us! Why are emotions like anger, sadness, insecurity, and grief shamed away when we all feel them?
I had a corporate meeting!
One that I initiated…oooo! I told y’all, capitalism has me by the throat right now. Anyway, the meeting went well, even though I slipped up and said, “Yesssss, they’re bad bitches” on the call. I know, I know. But, after I hung up, I didn’t squirm or replay the convo in my head over and over again like I normally would. I told myself I would be myself, no matter the setting. And anyone who wants to work with me deserves the authentic me. Not the me that self-censors or wears an ill-fitting mask. We’ll see how it all plays out!
I’ve been a little gremlin in my room
In Doechii’s song, Denial is a River, she raps about how she likes pills, and likes drugs, and loves to party. And I listen along, feeling every word…knowing I don’t do any of that. I don’t leave my room.
I don’t really go out. I barely get dressed. If you see me posting photos, they’re old. I don’t have a life for real. So I read (currently reading my book club pick!), and I write, and I push my books online because the MACHINE calls for it. Occasionally, I watch a little show. Creature Commandos was excellent. And Penguindrum is always a nice rewatch.
Will I ever reclaim my life, slip into a slinky dress, hit the town, and maybe have a whirlwind romance? Probably not for a while. But I did book a photo shoot for my book launch, so at least I’ll get cute then.
Now that I’ve written all this out, I actually don’t think I’ve been that unsettling, and I haven’t been strange at all! This is why it’s good to put pen to paper, ha.
I Live to Serve the Witch
Just a reminder that my dark romance novel will be birthed on February 21st 🤸🏾♀️. If you haven’t already, download the free chapter, and I’ll send a direct email when the book is available to purchase.
How to Escape Death is my next priority to release this quarter. Thank you to everyone who stuck by me through my terrible year and a half.
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Read my surreal novel: How to Be a Better Adult
Read my nerdy self-help book!: The Magical Girl’s Guide to Life
Follow me on Instagram!: @Jacqueaye
You've been beautiful!
The vibes here are elite~