Social media & the law of equivalent exchange.
How Fullmetal Alchemist is keeping me sane.
Before we get into today’s topic, check out my Weird Book Club! We’re writing poetry and reading a thriller, picked by Mychal the Librarian. Also, if you feel moved to support this space so I can eventually pay contributors, I would greatly appreciate it!
Now, onto the topic at hand!
In Fullmetal Alchemist, two brothers (Edward and Alphonse) lose their mother, and in the throes of their grief, they try their hand at alchemy to bring her back to life. Unfortunately, they don’t have a strong grasp of alchemy’s fundamental rule—the law of equivalent exchange.
Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange.
When Alphonse and Edward try to resurrect their mother, they fail because they hadn’t given up anything equal to a human soul.
I’m not an alchemist. But I am currently on a mission to wrap up all my loose literary ends so I can frolic in the woods and do weird sh*t.
Unfortunately for me, that means being much more active on social media.
Last year, after being stuck in bed for months, I had to detach. I posted less. Met more strangers. I skipped through the woods and stared at trees and marveled at butterflies until I felt better. And I did feel better. Until capitalism slapped me in the face once more.
It’s a cage I can’t escape…I actually wrote a poem about it in my e-book, The Girl is a Ghost:
The other night I cried,
devastated that I couldn’t run wild in the woods like the animal I am.
Why must I wake every morning and work?
And wake up and work. And wake up and…
This cage is a concept.
And yet it’s still suffocating.
If I want freedom, I unfortunately have to make a lot of money. In order to make a lot of money, I need to grow my readership. In order to grow my readership, I have to, gulp, post on social media.
Anyone who truly knows me knows I’m not a fan of the current landscape of online hustle culture. The thought of churning out videos and positioning myself as a brand makes my soul twist in my body. Networking is a strange minefield of frustration and confusion for me. I don’t like speaking because I’m aware I sound like a bimbo. Not that anything’s wrong with that. But I’m aware.
And yet here I am, speaking and posting and being puppeteered by shadowy overlords wielding ever-changing algorithms.
I’ve completely unmasked, mostly out of sheer exhaustion and defeat, but when it comes to increasing online reach, it’s definitely (strangely) working! Not too long ago I wrote how I opened up and have been met with so much love. This is still true. But I’ve also received some strange negativity. Admittedly, not much. But enough to make my brows lift. And that’s when I remember Fullmetal Alchemist…I can’t get what I need unless I give up something I want.
In order to get what I need to do weird sh*t, I have to temporarily give up my peace of mind. I can’t stare at butterflies. I have books to sell. I can’t detach from social media. I have to give up a part of my nature to play this game.
Now, onto girlier things!
♡ Do I still have a crush? I don’t know anymore. I’m so focused on playing the game of capitalism that I haven’t had time for new fluttery feelings. Which I hate.
♡ I have an affiliate code! Oooo. Use code “Jacque” to save moolah at Kasual Deviant.
♡ There are only 10 copies of signed “I Live to Serve the Witch” hardcovers. The books are currently in production and should start shipping at the end of next week.
♡ Follow me on Spotify! I make playlists for each of my books and for every mood. Also, check out my Pinterest!
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Read my surreal novel: How to Be a Better Adult
Read my dark romance: I Live to Serve the Witch
Read my nerdy self-help book!: The Magical Girl’s Guide to Life
Follow me on Instagram!: @Jacqueaye
as a lover of fullmetal alchemist, i frequently think about the laws of equivalent exchange— what needs to be sacrificed in order to be able to receive things. it's nearly impossible to gain anything without some sacrifice, so i've had to determine what i'm willing to give up to succeed, but also what i'm willing to suffer through to build a tolerance to it. social media is one thing i struggle with as well and i'm hopeful that using it more will make it easier, but in reality it burns me out.
reading your posts helps me feel seen in my similar struggle and inspires me to post sooner on substack which i haven't gathered the courage to do quite yet, haha.
thank you for continuing to share your story in all forms!
Hi Jacque!
Your substack posts and the ones on other socials always make my day, it’s so nice to see the inside of your process , because to me, you already seem cute and talented and successful!
I hope that social media becomes easier and less stressful, and that you can still have peace-of-mind in some places, I hope this provides a release, somehow. If anything, you’re motivating a black college girlie to push through hard stuff!
Big hugs, and much support ^^
Lani