Okay, so I'm in love...
Not in the way you might think, though 😆
Last week I wrote about how I’m purging my life completely. This week, I want to write about what I’m adding to it.
Romance.
I had a discussion with friends about my relationships and how they feel so…intimate. But not in the ways you may be imagining.
My heart leaps with excitement when I get texts from beloved friends. When there are new developments in my life, I rush to update them, patiently waiting for their responses and input. When we’re together, we get our nails and toes done. Or help each other with our make-up. Or sit in our pajamas in a comfortable, cozy silence. When we go out to eat we push the plates closer, offering up a taste of whatever it is we’ve ordered.
I also have male friends who I rely on for their perspectives. They help me carry heavy things, or reach tall places. They accept my emotions but push me to keep my mind open for solutions to life’s many strange problems. They’ve also learned to open up to me, and identify emotions they’ve always felt but weren’t encouraged to define. It’s a nice balance.
I could cry when I think about the friends who were there for me when my personality became insufferably sad. When I dealt with loss after loss. They patiently waited for me. Giving me space and time and encouragement to feel better. If that’s not love, then I don’t know what is!
I’ve been romanticizing my life.
After purging, I made more room for new experiences and I’ve met so many strange and fascinating and magical people. I ran into a young man who was meant to be a pastor but left seminary to travel the world. A zen musician who, when I jokingly asked if he was psychic responded, with the most serious, stoic expression, “Yeah, I am clairvoyant.” An Olympic-level athlete, with an aura that strangely draws animals to their side like Snow White. I met a kindred spirit, a chaotic spirit, and a wise spirit. I grew closer to people I’ve already known from afar.
I’ve also been spending more time in nature—accepting the rain and appreciating the warmth of the sun. I’ve been using my body more, building more strength and stamina, and improving my health. I’ve been getting dressed up every day and not even caring to document my outfits as much because I’m detaching from the idea of performing for an imaginary audience. I’m detaching from a lot, honestly.
I feel swept away in a romance of sorts. Butterflies are fluttering about in my ribcage. Every day I’m both nervous and excited for what the day could become. If I never achieved another thing “on paper”, I wouldn’t care. Because I’m in love. Not with another person. But with many people. With God. With nature. With myself.
And I’m no longer afraid of the feeling going away. I could wake up tomorrow and be consumed by dread and anxiety. Or I could think of a painful memory in an hour that changes the tide of my mood for the rest of the day. But that wouldn’t take away from how I feel right now so I won’t taint the present with the future’s problems. And I won’t shame myself for cycling through normal, human emotions either.
Honestly, how I generally feel now is definitely due to my decision to purge. So I can’t recommend it enough. If you don’t like your life…change your life! In the ways that you can, of course. I’m still finding my footing, but at least I can finally breathe.
Anyway, this is a more train-of-thought type of post, but one I felt like sharing! How do you inject romance into your life?
This is me, daily, ha!
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More thoughts.
I don’t pretend to be an expert at anything.
That’s why I mostly write about my own feelings and personal challenges. It’s what I know best. But I do feel moved to say something about the state of the world.
I’ve been scrolling on TikTok, watching video after video detailing back-to-back horrific occurrences and strange events. Hurricane Helene ravaged the Southeast. A chemical plant exploded near Atlanta. Unusual snowfall hit South Africa. Exploding pagers went off in Lebanon. Diddy was arrested and the mayor of NYC, indicted.
I’m not sure if more weird and terrible things are happening, or if we just have more access to each other to share experiences, but it’s getting spooky.
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
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This is so good and what you said about your friendships had me lighting up, because I feel the same about my folks.
Also—in terms of romanticizing my life lately, I’ve been enjoying a at home honey latte situation and yesterday I baked chocolate chips cookies and ate them before they fully cooled. Very romantic 🤎
What a beautiful romance.