I completely agree, like we mentioned yesterday on the live, let me be sad! People move at their own pace and I personally have the capacity to love myself & be sad at the same time. Going through a rough break up, I’ve done all the self care, the sitting with myself, the retail therapy, the meeting new friends. But still, months later I am still sad thinking about my ex & how things ended. I still fight tears whenever I encounter something that reminds me of her, bc even though she did severely hurt me I can still recognize that she did her best in the situation just like I did and I’m not perfect either. These things can be so nuanced, you don’t immediately have to hate a person and forget about them once they do you wrong. Especially if you’re a person that cares deeply. It’s just not realistic, I think I’ll always care for this person who hurt me and it’s more so about learning how to live with that and letting people go while respecting your boundaries — and that’s very hard. People need permission from their loved ones to take their time to process how they feel. All we need sometimes is some reassurance and a listening ear. Dismissing emotions will never help.
Yes! Being sad doesn’t negate self love! It’s so weird how we treat sadness or grief. Loving yourself doesn’t erase the meaningfulness of the connection. And like Vision said in Wanda Vision, “grief is just love persevering”. And it’s a beautiful thing to have loved at all
Personally, I’m at a point where it’s like I promise I love myself! I’ve done the work for that… but I love them too. & CHOOSING myself and my needs instead of my wants is just, well, hard. & I think it’s very normal to feel that way.
Agreed! I already love myself, even during my darkest moments, and even if I didn't, that doesnt change anything. I can't be loved because I don't love myself?
What kind of nonsense is that?
As someone who has, essentially raised my own self, I've never felt more lonely in my entire life.
I believe when people say love yourself, I imagine it’s people who are constantly in situations where people are not their support system. I believe part of loving yourself is how you would treat other people that you love. Putting effort into you, exploring through your hobbies, reconnecting with your inner childhood. I always believe finding a balance between yourself and with others is important. However, I feel like loving yourself and self-worth is two different things. I hope I’m understanding what you mean😖
You know, what’s so crazy. I just saw an example of what you were talking about. Where somebody in the comments told another woman who’s been trauma that she needs to love herself. It’s like they’re putting the blame on you.
Maybe I’m a little naïve. I guess( I don’t know what to call it). but sometimes I’m really shocked that people would say things like that in such a negative way. Especially if they’re being malicious and they don’t care about you.
Hmm , thank you for sharing your perspective on this topic. I don’t believe telling others to love themselves is a bad thing. Is there an appropriate time to say something like this? Yes but when there going through something i agree that it isn’t the best time. People should be allowed to feel what they but sometimes loving yourself is okay if it helps you to grow and learn more about yourself just like being around others does the same. It doesn’t necessarily mean To isolate yourself but sometimes seclusion is okay if it helps you reflect and regain your power. Everyone is different but what works for you may not work for others but neither of our views are wrong or right. You know?
Oh yeah to me there’s nothing wrong with choosing yourself—it’s just the dismissiveness of the statement during times of sadness that bothers me 💕 so we are on the same page
i feel that it’s just another way to get people to become nonchalant and move closer towards isolation. “love yourself” yes but also love the environment around you, learn to receive love, learn to do the things you love, etc. it’s not just about you, it’s about life itself. like you said, how can anyone learn to love themselves if they’ve never been loved? TRULY loved? i was just reading a book yesterday “all about love” by bell hooks and she mentioned how most people don’t have an agreed upon definition of love. that’s another thing that needs to happen. before you can “love yourself” or anybody/thing else, you need to understand what love even is!
In the manga “Fruits Basket” this concept is brought up. A character is bullied and retreats from society and her older cousin tells her mother it’s hard to know people want you without their confirmation or approval first. We base our self view off our surroundings.
Black women are human and humans are social creatures. We’re asking so much from them when we ask them to develop something out of nothing in a void. Many of us are or were in environments that held no love for us and if any, was conditional. Why punish the person for naturally growing without self love?
Yes, I've been thinking about this and wanting to write about it. People are just uncomfortable sitting with another person's negative emotions, so they say this instead.
I think the grind of corporate and capitalism eats away at a person. I see my friends work all day then go home and catch up on work after hours, or work on the weekends, or constantly think about work. We shouldn’t be struggling this much 😭 but also we should make time for those who matter to us.
That's fair. I wonder how much of that is actually necessary to keep the job. I think some folks could have a better work life balance, but are in fear of something that's not totally real.
I completely agree, like we mentioned yesterday on the live, let me be sad! People move at their own pace and I personally have the capacity to love myself & be sad at the same time. Going through a rough break up, I’ve done all the self care, the sitting with myself, the retail therapy, the meeting new friends. But still, months later I am still sad thinking about my ex & how things ended. I still fight tears whenever I encounter something that reminds me of her, bc even though she did severely hurt me I can still recognize that she did her best in the situation just like I did and I’m not perfect either. These things can be so nuanced, you don’t immediately have to hate a person and forget about them once they do you wrong. Especially if you’re a person that cares deeply. It’s just not realistic, I think I’ll always care for this person who hurt me and it’s more so about learning how to live with that and letting people go while respecting your boundaries — and that’s very hard. People need permission from their loved ones to take their time to process how they feel. All we need sometimes is some reassurance and a listening ear. Dismissing emotions will never help.
Yes! Being sad doesn’t negate self love! It’s so weird how we treat sadness or grief. Loving yourself doesn’t erase the meaningfulness of the connection. And like Vision said in Wanda Vision, “grief is just love persevering”. And it’s a beautiful thing to have loved at all
Personally, I’m at a point where it’s like I promise I love myself! I’ve done the work for that… but I love them too. & CHOOSING myself and my needs instead of my wants is just, well, hard. & I think it’s very normal to feel that way.
Agreed! I already love myself, even during my darkest moments, and even if I didn't, that doesnt change anything. I can't be loved because I don't love myself?
What kind of nonsense is that?
As someone who has, essentially raised my own self, I've never felt more lonely in my entire life.
That part! Even if we didn’t love ourselves, it doesn’t make us undeserving of it
Thank you for voicing exactly why that maxim is so frustrating and counter productive!
I agree
I believe when people say love yourself, I imagine it’s people who are constantly in situations where people are not their support system. I believe part of loving yourself is how you would treat other people that you love. Putting effort into you, exploring through your hobbies, reconnecting with your inner childhood. I always believe finding a balance between yourself and with others is important. However, I feel like loving yourself and self-worth is two different things. I hope I’m understanding what you mean😖
No you’re so right about loving yourself and treating yourself as you would treat someone you love!
You know, what’s so crazy. I just saw an example of what you were talking about. Where somebody in the comments told another woman who’s been trauma that she needs to love herself. It’s like they’re putting the blame on you.
Maybe I’m a little naïve. I guess( I don’t know what to call it). but sometimes I’m really shocked that people would say things like that in such a negative way. Especially if they’re being malicious and they don’t care about you.
btw Jacque I’m curious, do you have a favorite heartbreak album? mine is Coping Mechanism by Willow. I’ve been replaying it religiously all year😭
When I’m sad I listen to a lot of Scarlxrd and trap music 🤧😭
Hmm , thank you for sharing your perspective on this topic. I don’t believe telling others to love themselves is a bad thing. Is there an appropriate time to say something like this? Yes but when there going through something i agree that it isn’t the best time. People should be allowed to feel what they but sometimes loving yourself is okay if it helps you to grow and learn more about yourself just like being around others does the same. It doesn’t necessarily mean To isolate yourself but sometimes seclusion is okay if it helps you reflect and regain your power. Everyone is different but what works for you may not work for others but neither of our views are wrong or right. You know?
Oh yeah to me there’s nothing wrong with choosing yourself—it’s just the dismissiveness of the statement during times of sadness that bothers me 💕 so we are on the same page
Facts !!
i feel that it’s just another way to get people to become nonchalant and move closer towards isolation. “love yourself” yes but also love the environment around you, learn to receive love, learn to do the things you love, etc. it’s not just about you, it’s about life itself. like you said, how can anyone learn to love themselves if they’ve never been loved? TRULY loved? i was just reading a book yesterday “all about love” by bell hooks and she mentioned how most people don’t have an agreed upon definition of love. that’s another thing that needs to happen. before you can “love yourself” or anybody/thing else, you need to understand what love even is!
In the manga “Fruits Basket” this concept is brought up. A character is bullied and retreats from society and her older cousin tells her mother it’s hard to know people want you without their confirmation or approval first. We base our self view off our surroundings.
Black women are human and humans are social creatures. We’re asking so much from them when we ask them to develop something out of nothing in a void. Many of us are or were in environments that held no love for us and if any, was conditional. Why punish the person for naturally growing without self love?
Yes yes yes to all this! You get it, and this makes me want to watch Fruits Basket!
You should, I think you’d really like it! I recommend reading the manga a bit more than the show.
Yes, I've been thinking about this and wanting to write about it. People are just uncomfortable sitting with another person's negative emotions, so they say this instead.
Yes everything is so dismissive these days because no one has the time or capacity 😭
But what even is capacity? Cuz I feel like people work 8 hours, come home and do nothing, and say they have no capacity.
I think the grind of corporate and capitalism eats away at a person. I see my friends work all day then go home and catch up on work after hours, or work on the weekends, or constantly think about work. We shouldn’t be struggling this much 😭 but also we should make time for those who matter to us.
That's fair. I wonder how much of that is actually necessary to keep the job. I think some folks could have a better work life balance, but are in fear of something that's not totally real.