Two things can be true at once...
A series of rants, plus some things I love!
I’ve been thinking about nuance and how much of the content we consume and the conversations we have, lack it.
A major frustration I’ve bumped into when discussing relationships is the idea that my feelings should remain fixed. That I should pick how I feel and stay there forever, even with new feelings and new information. But I can hate a person's unsavory parts while still loving and appreciating the endearing parts. I can be angry at someone for the bad times while still reflecting fondly on the good. I can be frustrated while still being appreciative. I can understand and empathize with why people see the world the way they do while also disapproving of their behavior.
Relationships are messy. Life is messy. And we often find ourselves doing things in private that we’d be wagging our fingers at others for in public. Because I’m a professional #doomscroller, I see video after video shaming people for reaching out to exes, texting people back “too fast”, accepting gifts from partners, giving gifts to partners, and expressing their true feelings and intentions. It’s overwhelming to think we’re all just modifying our behaviors to play some imaginary ego-driven game. Even I’ve done it. And I hate it.
According to the internet, because I enjoy being taken care of, I’m a gold digger. Because I post cute photos on social media, I can’t be trusted. Because I give my partners grace when they mess up, I’m accepting the bare minimum. Because I have no problem dating right after a breakup, I’m not taking the time to “heal”. And because I express my disappointment and anger while still caring for a person, I’m wishy-washy. And you know what? I’ll take it 😜.
Things you should check out:
I adore this post from therapist Todd Baratz about the anxiety around dating and the bravery required to keep going.
I love this video from Princess Weekes about nuance and criticism.
A Slow Boogie is Better Than No Boogie
And for my next trick, I’ll be complaining about pressure.
I’m tired of pressuring myself to reach certain goals at certain times. In this weird, weird world, how can I expect everything to just fall into place as it “should”? And why am I letting ever-changing societal expectations drive my goals and desires? I want to craft a life that supports me, fits me, and works for me. A life that uses my strengths to work around my limitations. This is why I’ve deleted my Youtube channel. I’ve said time and time again that I don’t like doing it. People have told me to get on camera for years, but I don’t want to keep letting outside voices change my course. I don’t want to make long-form videos. I want to write weird books and help people feel more understood.
As cutesy rapper Monaleo said, “a slow boogie is better than no boogie”. I will throw everything away and start over a million times if it means operating on my own terms. Fortunately, even I couldn’t kill me…so I’m here to stay, and I’ll keep moving forward even if it means crawling at a snail’s pace. At least I’ll be able to enjoy the scenery as I mosey along.
Things you should check out:
Monaleo performing Sober Mind…this song is uplifting and inspirational for anyone with mental health struggles.
Therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab with advice on how to slow down and show up for yourself.
G’on Switch The Style Up
In a past newsletter, I shared how I wanted to dress how I felt, so I made an inspirational mood board for my style “evolution”:
I found myself still drawn to cutesy aesthetics, of course, but also to black and white hair, chic looks, unique jewelry, and a more somber disposition. Basically, a Monster High doll!
But no matter how much doom and gloom I feel, I can’t help but smile, so I’ll keep doing that. But I did make a new Cruella De’Vil-inspired wig and went and got myself a grill. For my teeth. Which seemed to shock everyone I know, ha.
If you feel like changing, do it. Who cares what people expect from you? If you want it, it suits you. If it’s on your body, it’s your style! That’s the way I see it!
Book Updates
I’m one rating away from my goal of 100 Goodreads reviews! 😍 I wanted to share why I’ve been fixated on the number.
So far this year, I’ve had promising chats with three different publishers, not for this book, but for future books. I felt down about only being known for ONE THING™ and that maybe I couldn’t be or do more. And seeing the number of ratings surpass the ONE THING™ makes me so hopeful and gives me the social proof I need, along with my manuscripts, to empower me and my weird books.
The actual star rating doesn’t matter to me. I’m continually shocked and stoked that anyone is reading at all. I know those familiar with my past works might not vibe with this one, magical realism/absurd/surreal books aren’t as popular as other genres, and it’s just weird af. So to get here so soon is so lit to me!! You have no idea!
If you’re like me, and enjoy weird fiction, check these books out:
We Love You, Charlie Freeman - in this book, a Black family participates in an odd research study—they move into the Tonybee Institute and teach sign language to a chimpanzee. Over time their new “family member” causes a rift between them. If the premise sounds weird…it is! But it’s also a page-turner highlighting the horrors of medical/research-based racism.
Earthlings - Sayaka Murata is so good at describing what it feels like to be a societal outcast…it’s almost scary! In Earthlings, the main character believes she’s an alien. She disassociates into her fantasies to deal with the world, and strange things happen as the line between the real world and the one in her mind continues to blur. I sped through this book (another page-turner) but would never read it again—it was (intentionally) disturbing 😆
The Girl Below - This was my first “smut” book, and I read it because of the bizarre plot. A girl eats a magic piece of monkey bread, and her vagina becomes sentient. Although I’m still not a smut girly, this book was so funny!
Temporary - We follow an unnamed protagonist as she hops from odd job to odd job—from filling in for a ghost to becoming a hitman’s assistant. It's whimsically written and super surreal!
Also, I’m down to the FINAL six hardcover pre-order slots.
After this, I am not printing or sending anymore. I will be taking pre-orders for Book 2 soon, though!
PS. follow me on Spotify for cool tunes! I’ll be making a playlist for my second book soon. Ok, byeeee!
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Listen to my girly podcast!: The Magical Girl’s Guide to Life
Read my nerdy self-help book!: The Magical Girl’s Guide to Life
Follow me on Instagram!: @Jacqueaye
Internet categories human natural behavior as per their Algorithm sets. Because this was something about behavior, so they try to control. People do Circticize often, by reflecting their thoughts for you, behind the curtains they knew, something wrong with them, but won't look about it—because this doesn't feel sexy enough. So they start to give them specific term's. Anyways great piece.