22 Comments
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Sheena's avatar

Dearest Jacque,

Long time reader, first time poster.

Yes. Much like everyone else who commented, I, too, resonate with this post.

I'm a weirdo black girl currently living in LA bouncing between different creative mediums while finding myself in rooms where people are dying for me to tell them what it is i do so they can judge me and categorize me as appropriate.

Thing is, I convinced myself that I wanted to be in those places for a long time. I thought conformity would make me happier. Turns out, it didn't. It didn't because I didn't care about my career milestones as much as they did. I wanted to know them another way.

It's hard to imagine what we want when we haven't been in contact with it yet. Maybe it doesn't exist yet which makes finding a space where we belong all the more confusing. All we know is what we've been fed: we are cogs in the MACHINE and "networking is essential". When we reject that, we are left in a void of our own making. I believe there's power in that.

I haven't found it yet, but I believe it anyway.

Love,

Sheena

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Jacque Aye's avatar

This comment made me tear up and it was just what I needed to read. I feel so alone sometimes...like why am I the only one who seems to genuinely feel uncomfortable with all this? But after reading your comment I feel so seen! I also believe there must be power in this...in being brave enough to admit it just doesn't feel right. Hopefully we uncover it soon.

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Sheena's avatar

Thanks for reading, Jacque 🩷 You are not alone. I mean, just read the comments along this post 🙂 plenty of us feel it we just don't know what to do to make ourselves feel better. Humans crave attention we are allowed to be specific and picky about who we decide to connect with. I say we convert all that we learned from each other into affirmations for the future. Here's two I got already:

Although I feel alone, there is someone out there who might feel the same as i do.

I am brave enough to walk away from spaces that don't serve me and or my values.

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Ifrah Akhtar's avatar

I resonate with this post, especially the pressures capitalism puts on us. The shards of glass in your eyes, maybe that breaking open, means you no longer see stars because you're becoming one.

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Jacque Aye's avatar

I love this so much 😭

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thepeoplevsAD.'s avatar

I felt this deep in my soul. I just want to live a pretty slow life and no one seems to get it

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Hannah Deen's avatar

Oh wow this really resonated with me!

After a miserable but eye-opening year last year, I’m focusing on what I want to do rather than what others think I should do. I’m excited for us!

Best wishes

A fellow wilted flower

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Jacque Aye's avatar

I'm rooting for you! Let's reject those pressures!

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Jessica Phylicia Jackson's avatar

Felt this so badly! The two week holiday break gave me glimpse of a soft, slow feeling of bliss I’ve been craving. As I got my kid ready to go back to school yesterday I was grieving the time we had home together. Now it’s back to the grind I guess. “A greenhouse for wilted flowers”. I wanna live there.

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Jacque Aye's avatar

Back to the grind...yes! I could feel the world shift once everyone was back in the office. And it sucked so bad omg

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Maggie H's avatar

oof that was a gut punch into the relatability.

i'm trying so hard to slow down but it feels like everyone else wants to speed up. i just want to watercolor my feelings and have deep discussions over tea.

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Jacque Aye's avatar

"i just want to watercolor my feelings and have deep discussions over tea." You've just described my dream life 😭

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TashiTheeCreatress's avatar

Kinda thought I’d never find this side of any platform but I’m so glad you graced my swiping with your openness. I think I’ve found my beautifully weird space to live out loud finally

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Gabby Derr's avatar

Wow, I feel the exact same way about careers! Why does everyone talk about their jobs so much?? It’s the least interesting thing to talk about 😝

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Divine Uniqueness's avatar

I came from your Tweet on Twitter and I just wanted to say Thank You for sharing this post! I'm glad I took the time to read this, because it deeply resonated with me!

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Chakayla J. Taylor's avatar

Jacque, you’ve always been THAT GIRL to me ❤️I appreciate you for showing up as you are. Conformity makes me breakout in hives, so you are seen and heard baby!

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Jacquelyn's avatar

"A greenhouse for wilted flowers" just makes me feel 😭 🥀 👏🏻 💕 Thank you!

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Jo Gets Lit 🔥's avatar

Your words have truly captured me in a way that I haven’t experienced in quite some time. This truly resonates with me so much and I’ve been trying to find my people for so long. Who knew I would find you all on Substack. Jacque, thank you for sharing your thoughts, I admire you so much and you inspire me to start posting my writing. Would love to be in the dirt next to you in the greenhouse for wilted flowers. ❤️

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Chrissy's avatar

Thank you for this, I can definitely relate!!

I constantly find myself in spaces that never really feel like me although I LONG to be in ones that do.

And I cannot stand the grind culture and its cult members. We deserve to explore our creativity, childlike wonder, and weird/quirky selves without feeling guilty for not being as productive as the world would like. It’s so unfair to all parties involved honestly

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Jordan Ammani ♡'s avatar

Hi Jacque,

This is my first time reading your work. My uncle shared your Instagram with me and says we have alot of similarites! I must say, I do agree, especially after reading this beautiful post. I too, am a weird girl, navigating life post college. I am also a writer like you. This post resonated with me because I don't want to subscribe to the capitalistic, career path everyone strives for in our society. My dream is to write and travel, thats it. I would love if my writing can make me big $$$ but as you know the naysayers say, "Writing doesn't make you money". I like to clap back say, "Well, you haven't met me and I will be the one to show you different". I want the same thingd as you, so thank you for sharing this because I often think I am alone with this feeling. So far its been about 9 months since I graduated college with a degree in creative writing and still haven't secured a stable job. Maybe this route wasnt for me.

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Tina's avatar

I am tired of the machine™️ as well. Although my line of work is different, it feeds on souls nonetheless.

This might be weird, but I am going on a solotrip to Germany and Switzerland later on in the year with a bunch of strangers and wouldn't mind you joining. If you would like. I just want to be my softest, blackest, self overseas surrounded by beautiful and old architecture. And I'm okay with doing it alone, but company will always be welcomed. Feel free to be yourself with your readers. We're rooting for you and eachother ✨️💖

- A Fellow Cog in the Machine

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Jan 7
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Jacque Aye's avatar

YES omg yes! This happens to me as well. I usually end up in tears from the frustration of not being "heard" or not having a chance to have real dialogue. I feel you 100%

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