So, I don't have a therapist anymore.
Coping with grief and loss 😭
If you know anything about me (which I’m hoping you do if you read these 😆), then you know my goal of becoming a licensed therapist and helping others who experience the same struggles I go through. I’ve chosen to separate my journey there from my journey as a writer/creator because I’m terrified of operating in an unethical fashion. Many people who engage with me online are my friends, almost-friends, or feel very friendly towards me. While I love that people feel comfortable with me, it does present an ethical conundrum. From my understanding, I can’t treat friends, followers, or readers. I’m also a slowpoke…so I want to work at my own pace and not feel pressured by an “audience” to produce results as I often do (thanks to first-gen perfectionism 😆).
Anyway, life’s been chucking lemons at me lately. While I’ve been trying my best to make lemonade, sometimes I get tired. Sometimes it just hurts. And I’ve had a lot of things pummeling me at once. One of those things was losing my therapist.
I’ve shared how I was able to secure free therapy since 2021. My therapist was incredible and highly empathetic—and we have similar music tastes 😆. I loved filling her in on my thoughts, feelings, and funny stories week after week. She taught me how to set and enforce boundaries for myself. She encouraged me to stop beating myself up for not reaching some idealistic standard of righteousness I’ve created for myself. She made me feel less alone and more understood. And in the end, she found another job at a place that would help her thrive in her personal world. I was happy for her, and I still am. I made sure to let her know how amazing she is at her job, and as a person. But because of the ethics I mentioned earlier, I can’t talk to her anymore. We can’t exchange contact info. I can’t send her updates on my Tyler the Creator wall in my room. I’ll show y’all, though…look how cute it is!
Despite my wide smiles and constant laughter, I’m not someone who connects with many people. And if you’ve read my book, you can probably tell I haven’t had great experiences with therapists. So, losing a FREE therapist who loves Kendrick Lamar and Wes Anderson movies and understood me on a level most don’t is a major loss to me.
Luckily, I still have the tools she’s left me with. When I’m overwhelmed, I remember the coping skills she encouraged me to adopt. When I’m blaming myself for things outside of my control, I remember her advice to give myself the same grace I give others.
Growing older means watching as your world shrinks around you. You lose friends, go through breakups, people pass away or move away, or you have to send them away yourself for your peace of mind. And each person leaves behind remnants of their existence in your soul. Inside jokes that you can’t share anymore. Places that inspire flashbacks to your time together. Scents that remind you of their warm embrace.
Instead of lamenting the lack, I’m trying to focus on the experiences that people have left me with. Friends who have drifted away left me with fun memories and fond experiences. I’ve picked up hobbies, favorite artists, new shows, etc from anyone who’s ever entered into my life. Former lovers have left me with moments of passion and closeness and showed me I’m worth loving…even if it ends. Even the terrible people who blew through my comfy home, leaving ruin in their wake, have taught me perseverance and pushed me closer to those who do have my back.
It’s been almost six weeks since I decided to live life, rather than bemoan it. And one thing I’ve learned, under all the confusion, bills, depression, and painful experiences…there’s love. And it makes everything worth it.
Anyway, wow. This isn’t how I thought this post would go LOL, but I do hope anyone dealing with a loss will find comfort in it somehow.
Updates - Please Read:
I’ve started shipping out more pre-orders! The last batch will be sent out in June, due to a worldwide paper shortage. If you want a signed hardcover bundle, there are less than 20 pre-order slots left! After this final shipment arrives, I’m not sending out anymore. If you miss out on the hardcover, you can always order a paperback from Amazon or B&N.
I’ve almost reached my goal of 100 honest reviews on Goodreads! If you’ve read it, please leave me a star rating, and let other readers know what you think! If you don’t have Goodreads, check it out on Amazon. I have the same goal there! I want to continue writing weird novels about woeful women, and the more reviews I have, the better it looks for future opportunities. The rating itself doesn’t matter, just the volume, so please don’t feel bad if you have a less-than-stellar rating. I’m not taking anything personally! I’m just stoked anyone is reading 😆
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Listen to my girly podcast!: The Magical Girl’s Guide to Life
Read my nerdy self-help book!: The Magical Girl’s Guide to Life
Follow me on Instagram!: @Jacqueaye
100% agree with so many statements you made. There’s always something or someone to learn from and bring balance back to the center. Great work 💜
Thank you, I didn't know about the rules for writing when one is a therapist.
and yes, the best thing to do when someone you love isn't around is to remember the good times