I'm so mature...I can buy myself flowers

Here for Miley Cyrus + SZA reclaiming their power after love gone wrong

On my mission to become a “better adult”, I found myself re-examining all areas of my life—including my love life.

Recently I was interviewed by Joy Ofodu on her podcast Dating Unsettled about my past relationships (and my current one). While I can chat about my experiences with giggles and humor, as most of them were positive, I’ve also experienced something that took me a while to process...

Miley Cyrus & The Cathartic Release

If you’ve been anywhere on the internet, you’ve probably heard Miley Cyrus’ new song Flowers. In it, she describes the degradation of her relationship with her ex-husband and how she’s learned to love herself in the end.

I personally love the way she’s reclaiming her power and processing her emotions through creativity. That emotional catharsis through creation is something I’m familiar with, and her song reminded me so much of the feelings I had after dating a man with narcissistic traits.

Being able to stand up, chin up, eyes closed, and head cocked back, and say, “you no longer have control over my perception or sense of self!” is so freeing. And having millions of people singing along to your declaration of freedom feels magical, I’m sure.

SZA & The Emotional Honesty

When it comes to women who wear their hearts on their sleeves, SZA will always have a place in my heart. Her latest album, SOS, sparked debates on social media about growth, healing, and confidence and how SZA appears to be “stuck” stewing in toxic feelings. And to that, I say:

We’ve all gone through it in the name of love. No one dates perfectly, and if SZA crooning about feelings of loneliness, unworthiness, and jealousy sparks an uncomfortable feeling in you, it’s ok to investigate why.

When I get those feelings while listening, it’s because I’ve felt similarly in the past, or maybe something’s brewing in the present that I have yet to acknowledge. But there’s nothing wrong with vulnerability. We all have the same set of feelings that we cycle through depending on the time of day—so why be embarrassed by any of them? Why shame others for being open about those feelings? I don’t see SZA as any less than because she’s expressing herself. I see her as brave. And just like Miley, she’s empowering herself through her creations, and I love to see it.

Final Thoughts

After dating a man who love-bombed me, then devolved into calling me names, making me question my own memory, and ridiculing me, it feels almost foreign to be in a relationship where I’m being encouraged and praised and allowed to go through my cycles of grief in a safe space.

Maybe I wouldn’t have ever finished How To Be A Better Adult, my own cathartic release, without my partner’s encouragement. Or, maybe I would. Because, like Miley, I can buy myself flowers. And like SZA, my frustrations inspire me to put pen to paper.

I’ll be closing pre-orders for the fancy, signed versions of How To Be A Better Adult tonight! No worries if you miss out, as the standard version of the book will be released in February.

Reminder: If you pre-ordered please please, please double-check your address! Books will be sent out in two weeks. If you need assistance, send me an email: hey@jacqueaye.com

Thank you for reading! ✨