Girlfriends are PRICELESS 💍
The restorative power of female friendships
Yesterday I started the day in a spiral, as I often do. I felt like a burden. Like the weirdest person on Earth. I chatted with a friend about my sinking mood, and he jumped into fix-it mode as he often does.
“You should do this”, and “You should do that”, and “I already told you what you need to do” became the theme of our conversation. But the problem is—there’s not always a “logical” solution when I’m depressed. It’s just a feeling I’ve got to ride until it’s over. Sometimes that ride includes talking it out, having my bad feelings heard, or being given the space to cry it out. And that’s something I’ve butted up against with my more “masculine” friends. They often feel like the solve for negative feelings is self-improvement. Making more money. Becoming more attractive to the opposite sex. This isn’t everyone, of course. I’ve spoken to women with that same “go-getter”/problem-solving energy, and, on the flip side, I also have a few male friends who understand my need for emotional support. But after this particular conversation, I felt even more frustrated and behind in life.
That is, until I spoke to a close friend who picked me up and dusted me off. She validated my feelings, and we shared similar stories of dealing with disappointment. We laughed, listened, and said, “Oh my GOD, YES, same!” every few minutes. The phone call lasted four magical hours…maybe more…and when I hung up, I felt so much better.
Female friendships are so precious to me. They’re emotionally intimate, so much fun, and they’re safe spaces to blow off steam with someone who understands your lived experiences. This isn’t just a “me thing”, either. It’s been proven that female friendships are literally healing. And women with other women in their corner live longer and healthier lives.
When I see posts on social media disparaging female friendships, it saddens me…but I also understand. I know friendship trauma is very real. Not every female friendship is safe or healthy. I’ve been in some rough ones myself, which I’ve discussed on my podcast, but I have yet to meet a man who could give me the soft landing space that a woman has. And that’s why in my experience, friendship breakups with women hurt much more than romantic breakups with men.
I don’t want to seem like I’m bashing men, either. I have some amazing and supportive male friends! They give me a different kind of support, though, and maybe I’ll write about that later.
What are your thoughts on gworl friends?
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1st off, no offense taken lol, but seriously, there's something that just hits different just off of the feminine tone, when positive reinforcement is involved. I'm trying to think how to put this correctly into words....the sincerity conveyed is, more empathically felt? is that a word? you feel their feelings in the reinforcement more. Most men don't know how to soften their tone enough to where not just the reinforcement is understood, but deeply felt, unless it is their daughters. Maybe, this explains the mother-son relationships and father-daughter relationships, of course I'm speaking of the healthy ones, but yeah, assurance definitely this different from women, you are not wrong.
For me, I’m in a place where I’m still getting over a few major friend break ups and ghostings. I was the one who put my all into the friendships, but when I stopped reaching out as much after some deaths in my family, I was the bad guy because I didn’t reach out as much. And my best friend did a complete 180 and started avoiding me and hanging out with a different group of friends.
With my girl friend circle dwindling, I became very lonely. Still am sometimes. I hang out with my boyfriend more often than not. I don’t have girlfriends that I can gush and geek out with about anime, manga, art, video games and such
I made friends with a coworker from work and I was very scared to let her in because of my track record of friends. But she’s become a very good friend of mine and I’m very thankful for her.
I’m definitely adjusting and learning to enjoy my own company more, but there are days I do miss having girlfriends I can gush about hobbies with