Chainsaw Man & finding joy in "the little things".

Denji's quest for happiness is deeper than fanservice

In Chainsaw Man, Denji’s a teenage boy who’s lived a pretty tough life. Orphaned and in major debt (passed down from his father), he’s lived a life of lack. He has no real friends, minus his adorable demon pet Pochita.

He’s hardly slept in a real bed. Instead of doing regular Teen Things™, he’s been hired by the Yakuza to hunt demons and eradicate his father’s debt. But things take a turn, and Denji fuses with Pochita—becoming Chainsaw Man. He’s soon asked to join Public Safety and work as a Devil Hunter.

While the other hunters are brooding, anxious, and/or driven by revenge, Denji’s just happy to be there. He gets to eat good food, hang out with cool people, and…touch boobs. Yes, this character’s main motivation is his desire to touch boobs for the first time 😮‍💨. I know, I know. It’s weird, and I personally don’t enjoy fanservice, but walk with me…

Denji’s quest for joy is deeper than fanservice.

Here’s a young boy who’s never had much. So when he experiences “the little things” in life, like a refreshing beverage, a nice meal, or super soft sheets on a hotel bed he’s overjoyed. He’s grateful. And people with a gratitude mindset live happier, healthier lives.

As a legacy member of my local sadgurlz club, I’m no stranger to scoffing at “the little things”. In my short story collection, Death & Disillusionment, I actually wrote a story where I do just that—scoff at the tiny things people tell you to be grateful for:

I spent my last ten minutes of work sitting at my desk, clicking away at my keyboard, pretending to do some kind of important work, but really I was mulling over the little things. When people would say, “it’s the little things," I never understood what they meant by that. How can little things make more than an iota of a difference, when life is riddled with issues that are colossal in comparison?

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I’ve never been the type to use tiny bandages on a massive wound—it’s pointless. Just like trying to patch up my miserable, painful life with “little things”. As I continued to sit, typing jumbled nonsense into a blank word document, I contemplated my next move. I needed something big. Fuck the little things.

I wrote this story years ago, but up until a few weeks ago, I really felt this way. Reading it back now, I can feel the hurt and frustration clinging to every word. I wasn’t wrong—life’s suffering usually outweighs its small joys. But that doesn’t mean those small joys are a waste. They add up. And if we choose to be grateful for them, like Denji, maybe life would feel a little less heavy.

If a teenage boy can find happiness amidst the chaos of a life spent hunting devils and running from the Yakuza, then we can surely find joy in our own chaos.

Little things that made me smile

In the spirit of Denji, here are some tiny joys that lit up my life in the last week!

I’m now the mother of a (3d printed) set of dragons!

I named the blue one O’Ryan, after Orion—the god of hunting. I named the pink axolotl Cera, because she gives me serotonin, ha. I love how colorful they are, and they’re the perfect little socially acceptable toys for me to carry around!

I’m OBSESSED with Spider-Punk!

I saw Across The Spiderverse, and when I saw Hobie Brown, aka Spider-Punk, on-screen with his huge afro, anti-establishment rhetoric, and incredible boots, I fell in love.

Look at him! The piercings. The full lips. The eyes weighed down with the heaviness of capitalism. Ugh. What a character design. I’m waiting for a premium figure to be released so I can add him to my collection.

I doubled my number of upgraded subscribers!

Thank you, I adore you, and I’m so grateful! Every upgraded subscription supports my goal of finishing all of my novels but also helps me immensely, as I can’t do much right now. I’m accepting the fact that I now move slower, think slower, and I’m not able to work in the same way I could before.

I’ll be doing a giveaway soon for upgraded subscribers only, and I’ll continue sending exclusive posts, etc. I’m trying to decide what to actually give away. I’m thinking of a beauty box with cute makeup from Black-owned brands. Anyway, once I have something planned out, I’ll send out an email outlining simple, fun rules.

Please comment and tell me what little things have made you happy! Hearing other people’s good news lifts my spirits, ha.

PS. The plan was to release Death & Disillusionment in the same way I rolled out How to Be a Better Adult, buuuuuut after my hospital stay, I won’t be doing that. I need to do my best to focus on those little things that bring me joy, instead of my depression. It’ll always be available on my site, though, for anyone who was (or is) going through the same unrelenting sadness as me.

PPS. The final book shipment for hardcovers of How to Be a Better Adult is now arriving July 10th, instead of the end of June as originally quoted. Sorry to everyone who’s waiting.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

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